Letter for the One who is always there.

To you

You are always hardest on yourself; no matter how hard you try you never seem to think anything you do is good enough. Someone else, in your eyes, always seems to be just a bit better than what you are.

When you look at your reflection in the mirror, there appears to be a lot that you would change about your appearance than what you would keep. Better skin, prettier eyes, hair that will do-what-you-want-it-to-do-when-you-want-it-to-do-it, less fat in all those obvious areas, no cellulite, no stretch marks, prettier toes, nicer teeth.

The things that you want to happen don’t usually go your way, no matter how you plan things, and people just never seem to actually hear what you’re trying to say, the misunderstandings just come to easily to their ears. Your best intentions either end up not being enough or by some twist of fate you are the one you who somehow just ends up being kicked in the teeth as a thank you.

You are the one who picks up their phone at three in the morning just to listen to a friend sobbing drowning in the shards of a broken heart over a lover you knew just wasn’t worth it, a project that fell through or a dream that just seems out of reach. Yet when your heart is breaking, when you just need that bit of a pick me up hours seem to tick by while you stare at your phone because there isn’t anyone you can call who can be your shoulder for just a moment.

You are the one who holds countless secrets, gossip and angry words from your friends, from those you love dearly yet you are the one who has to keep your own counsel because too many people have purposely or inadvertently spouted your secrets, so you who are the most trusted; are unable to show trust in anyone but yourself.

You are usually the one who does everything for everyone else, fetching and carrying for the ones you love and you are usually the one they call when they have no idea what to do for whatever the reason might be. It’s rare that you hear a thank-you from the people you would do anything for.

People will call you an easy walk over, the one taken advantage of, and that assessment is probably not totally untrue but it’s not something you are forced to do, and it’s not because you cannot say no. That is not that reason at all.

You are the one who sees potential in others, potential that they either just don’t realise or don’t have the inclination to see within themselves. So you find it in you to try and nurture that seed of their possible-self. Sometimes you are successful and sometimes it isn’t and even though it breaks your heart you will try again. Maybe with the same person maybe with someone else.

When you plan something for yourself or for those you love, no matter how big it is – a surprise party, or how small - a night of cuddling, movies and storytime you do it with your whole heart because as long as you can make them smile you are happy. And if things don’t go your way, your disappointment is tenfold because you see their hurt and distress, but at least you tried and try again and again you will.

The reason you are the one they call night and day is because they know you will listen even if they don’t always, and there is no one else that they appreciate more in that moment, whether or not your advice is taken you are loved and appreciated just for being there. Even if they, themselves don’t realise it in the moment or after you are and will always be their raft preventing them from drowning in an ocean, their umbrella and shelter in and storms keeping them safe, their one true constant. You are the keeper of secrets because you have been hurt and know the cost of pain, of betrayal so you’ll never find it within yourself to have someone else feel the hurt you have. You love and do for other, lend them of your strength when they need it – not because they are weaker but because you know, knowing someone stands by you makes you find the courage within yourself that was always there anyway - you are there and do the things that you do for others because who else will.

Even while you are thinking that there are things about yourself you’d rather change, in substantial shape or emotional being, your smile that is imperfect to you is the only smile that helps other find the smile they lost, your imperfect hands are heavenly to the person whose tears your dry and your shoulders and arms which are too skinny or fat to you are beautiful to the person they lend strength to. To them your eyes might hold that assurance that they are not alone, the hope that tomorrow will be better  and your voice is what will probably bring relief from unkindness and your very presence  just says, “You are not alone. I hear you.”

You are you, made as a perfect gift to the world because no matter what you think of yourself, every touch, smile and word will be remembered always by those who need it. A perfect gift given at the right moment. And that gift is simply you.