The Mark of a Gentleman

Every woman wants a good man, and as we grow and change the ideas we have about what a good man entails also changes. What we wanted 4 or 10 years ago in a man might not be what we want today.

Our views of a good man also changes as we date and have people come and go in our lives, we sometimes get a taste of what we want from that hard core list that just about every woman has in her mind (some have it written down somewhere) and with that taste me might realise that it is something that we can live without or that we just don’t want.

I have written a few posts about what women want and having a list, about love and expectation. But it is different for every woman. Yet what all women want is a GENTLEMAN.

We all tend to forget that someone who we’ve been out with a few times or know in social situations can be a very different person in a relationship.

Also in the beginning almost everyone is on their best behavour with the first few dates. We all want to impress and men even more so. Many put up a front just to “get the girl”. So he could be totally faking it, and its not always easy to tell.

So what makes a true gentleman?

Well here's just my opinion.

A true Gentleman values more than just you look.

 

Everyone loves to be complimented, especially women when they’ve put in a lot of effort to look especially nice. But are all his compliments just about your looks?

It doesn’t matter how great he is at giving compliments or how creative he can be or even how often he does it. If all a man can focus on is how you look, and specially showing you off, or the “dirty talk”; that’s a red flag. Something is definitely off about him. Its good that he compliments how you look and appreciates the effort and time you put into looking good but he should value and appreciate things the things that make you, you. The things that make you unique, your personality, your wit and your intellect. The things he makes you feel good about will be things that you control and have developed within yourself as a person. Not just the results of getting lucky in the gene pool or what make-up enhances or hides.

A real Gentleman will not be intimidated by your ambition

A man, a real grown man, will have goals for himself. Either economically, intellectually or on just about anything that improves himself as a person in his own eyes. So therefore he would want to be with a woman who has goals for herself and isn’t afraid to go after her dreams even if it is to simply read a really great novel or to help someone else. Because he know once she reaches her goal she will set herself a new target, always growing herself. He and because he has goals himself, yet always keeping her in mind he will not be afraid of her outgrowing him as they would be growing together. He would want to be part of a power couple not a dictatorship. Be mindful and careful of anyone who does not encourage you to reach for your dreams.

A true Gentleman will not be intimidated by you

On the line of a true gentleman not wanting to be in a dictatorship; any man who does not want you to speak your mind and who will not acknowledge that you have a voice and opinion of your own, especially if it difference from his own, is probably not someone who you should have in your life, period.

A Gentleman will have more interests than just you.

Of course you should be a priority in his life, but he needs to have other interest. Hobbies, friends and aspirations. A man who works he’s entire life around you is…uhm, well its just not healthy. Don’t get me wrong, he should not be doing things that make you unhappy or that can have damaging consequences in your relationship. If he’s working hard at his profession or his favourite pass time is building model airplanes there nothing wrong with that, let him be, as long as your communication and necessary couples time is till in place and good there’s nothing wrong with it. A relationship is there to enhance your life and be a part of you world. It even better to show support for your partners interests, it healthy for the relationship.

A true Gentleman will give you answers

No matter how awkward or uncomfortable a situation is, real man, with approach the situation and you with respect. It is my opinion that the mark of real man is how he handles, criticism, conflict and less-than ideal situations. A man will not dance around answer, avoid answering you or make excuses. If there are answers you need, or something you need to talk about he will talk about it. He will not put it off for any length of time and he will never use any derogatory or insulting means of speech. (To me this is another way of avoiding the actual need for answers).

A Gentleman will be direct

On that last point – there will be no manipulation or mind games in your relationship. A man will be direct, to the point and honest with you at all times...but once again with kindness and always with respect.

A real Gentleman will trust you.

If you have never betrayed his trust or given him reason to doubt you, a man will NOT be paranoid, or snoop around invading your privacy to make sure you’re, really, not doing something you shouldn’t be. He will have confidence not only in you but in your relationship. A boy will project his insecurities onto you and like termites it will eat away at the foundation you have built.

A true Gentleman is cool, calm and collected

It should be understood that it comes with the territory of having a girlfriend, even having a wife, is dealing with her being hit on. No matter where you are together or if she is out with her girlfriends that she will get hit on every once in awhile. Other men out there will inevitably find her attractive.

A man, instead of letting his primitive nature get the better of him and beating his chest like an angry beast at the first sign of competition, a confident man will calmly make his position known (with out making a scene), and understand that you will still be going home with him at the end of the night.

A true Gentleman will show you respect

Nothing so marks an empty shell of a man who disrespects, women, children and animals. A good man will treat you with respect you deserve at all times and will never ask or force you to do anything that you are uncomfortable with (this includes coercion) and will never mistreat you. Always be honest with yourself and walk away from any situation that puts you in physical, mental or emotional harm or danger.

A Gentleman will put effort into your relationship

Boys are usually apathetic and interested in only one thing from a woman. A grown man will do what it takes, inside and outside the bedroom to make you happy. He isn’t going to get bored easily because your happiness is his reward.

A real Gentleman will make you want to be the best version of yourself without changing who your really are.

A man will empower those around him to be the best they can be. He strives for greatness and therefore inspires others to strive for it as well. If he has it in his capacity to encourage and support you to help you with just that extra leap that you need he will do so.

We should always understand that no one is perfect, this is an unreasonable expectation and people do make mistakes but the man your tries to cover up those mistakes no matter how small or brushes them off even continues to repeat them is probably not the best for the kind of relationship a woman who knows her worth should be with.

A woman does not need to lower her expectations to find a good man, a GENTLEMAN, all we have to do is have realist expectations and also to understand that we also need to give a good man what we receive. And always, always have your eyes open. Never be blinded, as we often are by flash and clever words. Sincerity a moral code in a man is worth a lot more than someone who looks good on paper.