So my posts have been a bit heavy leaden with
theology and superstition and all the good things that gets the blood stiring
for disagreements.
Just thought that today would be nice to maybe take a breather and just talk about some more lightheartedness that is also guaranteed to get the blood pumping.
When I look around today things are probably not so different from when my grandparents where young. Most people become very serious at a young age sometimes dating the same person for years and then getting married (the only difference is that now people live together most often first). Same as when my grandparents and parents were young. There is a smaller majority that date often and over a variety of people before finally settling down. There are also those that both either before marriage or after find that after being with one person for years they might not love them as they once did so often instead of just ending a relationship (it’s easier said than done after all) they “play the field”. This is sad of course as often this causes more pain than just ending the relationship would have. What we seem to forget is that we fall in and out of love everyday. Some times it with the same person over and over if we lucky and now and then its with different people. Love is not the easiest thing to feel or be in but neither is it as complicated as we make it. As human beings we tend to over complicate everything to the point where we cannot see where something begins or ends.
It takes hard work to keep falling in love with the same person everyday for years but its not impossible.
A relationship is not based on the length of time you have been together it is based on the foundation that you have built. Some relationships are built on religious faith, others on common interest or family values. And in all these relationships there are always reasons to stay and to leave. I once heard that you can have at least a million reason to leave someone but if there is just one reason to stay; love, then stay. I also used to believe this but I stopped believing as most of us do (even if it is only for a short period) when our heats are “broken”. We also because of this loss of, lets call it “faith”, hold on to pain and cause ourself suffering that we could just as easily (once again easier said than done) avoid. But if you look at some of the reason why people all in love (some of which are the same reason others don’t) we fill find something interesting in it. Because love is not enough but there is always more to “LOVE” than meets the eye at first.
From some reading that I have done recently, a vast majority of people fall for someone who supports them during an emotional crisis, become attracted to someone they have coming into contact with on a regular basis in a social setting and of course the new trend of meeting on a social network.
Strangely its been found that relationships that form on the basis of emotional need have a tenancy not to work for long periods of time neither do relationships based on meeting out on a good time work out. Yet it seems that there are quite a few relationships that seem stronger with people who have met on a social networks, not withstanding those who are there cheating on their partner of course.
Of course there are various types of relationship and they start for vast reasons some complicated some not so complicated at all.
So let begin with loosing belief in love. As i said most people loose faith in love and the act of falling in love and staying in love when they have been hurt by a partner cheating or leaving them but this is not the only reason. Some people have to watch their parents relationship deteriorate and fall apart. They grow up seeing that love hurts more often than not and they just don’t see the point in putting themselves through this. Still others look for love for this reason because they don’t want to be like their parents at all.
What we forget or maybe I should say is that often we don’t see the finer assets or what love is actually made up of.
So lets break it down (from my point of view that is):
Love is Trust:
when you don’t trust your partner you will constantly question their actions and their words. And I don’t just mean if they say they are working late, but just about every thing they say. That they think you’re beautiful, that they like your cooking; just about anything. No, trust begins to spread from wondering were they are, are they were they say they are. To not trusting what they say about you to you. You begin to look for lies in the smallest aspect of your relationship. This of course leads to your being an emotional wreck constantly questioning you partner, checking up on them and being very clingy. Which is very bad for your relationship because all these thoughts are negative, which leads to negative re-enforcement i.e actions. The result-> Arguments and a break down of the relationship.
Love is Faith:
faith is not just believing in your partner and your relationship but being faithful as well. If you find yourself wanting to cheat or considering cheating with someone then you have a problem. Don’t get me wrong we are human beings after all, we see others of the opposite sex (or whatever your taste may be) and think they are good looking or attractive (like thinking of an actor/tess/TV personality) but the minute you find yourself wanting to find a way to be with that person even just physically…you have a problem.
Love is Security:
if you do not feel secure in your relationship faithfulness and trust come into question. It boils down to feeling secure that even when your partner looks at someone else there is no doubt that you are still the one and only person they want to be with because this is just how they make your feel. But it also comes does to the security and confidence you feel about yourself and what you know you have given in the relationship and how your partner receives what you give, provide and do for them. When you feel appreciated as a person and for your actions you feel secure in your relationship. Needless to say if you are not getting this or feeling it, you have a problem.
Love is Respect:
you have to respect yourself, and your partner. This means that you will not degrade them, ie; talk down to them, bad mouth them, make them feel inferior to you in anyway, by way of calling them names, placing tags on them, such as : easy, slut or cheat. Someone who has respect for themselves will never allow these types of words to be used by themselves or others in reference to their partner and if you respect your partner you will never use these ways to hurt them weather true or not. Let us not forget respect breeds respect, if you give someone respect you will receive it in return and vice versa. How can you for one minute expect someone to treat you in a way that you are not treating them. And speaking with consideration and well to your partner in private and especially in public. Airing your dirty laundry to the whole world is the epitome of disrespect.
Love is Truth/Honesty
if you cannot find the time or inclination to be honest and truthful about your actions and feeling with your significant other why would you be in a relationship with them in the first place.
lets face facts, any relationship your have even if not with a lover is based on truth and honestly, our friends would not be or stay our friends if we lied to them constantly. And without truth there cannot be honesty.
If we look at all the above, if even one is lacking in a relationship everything can and will begin to crumble and once that first crack appears if you do not attend to it immediately; a relationship is like a house after all, bad things begin to happen. More cracks appear until you need to condemn the house. Relationships are exactly the same. If you don’t attend to the cracks as they appear you will find your walls falling down around your ears. I know I sound like a broken record the number of times I have said this but even more today I feel it is true.
When you are happy in your relationship. If your sit down and take the time to actually sort through the problems you have everything else, no matter how bad things are seem, seem smaller when you are with that someone that brings joy to your life. For me the reason is because the significant other in your life works with you to lighten your burden. If someone is not doing that, should you be in that relationship. No relationship should take all your energy draining you. If it does not make you feel alive no matter what issues there are…can you truly be happy.
Don’t get me wrong always work on your problems first but if any of the above is lacking in anyway you will always have problems in the long run.
Of course! I don’t care what anyone says…if the sex ain’t good it also is not going to work. It’s not the be all and end all of a relationship but you are human and you also need to work on keeping the passion and heat a live. Romance… YES please but still physical attraction is important. Strangely enough even if everything else is good but the sex isn’t your will find that the relationship begins to suffer.
It is a myth that women don’t like sex. Women like sex just as much as the next man; we can just go without it longer than a man can. It is not at the epicenter of our being. Yet most men who cheat will say it’s because they aren’t getting any at home. This is of course no reason or excuse to cheat but there are also a number of women who also give this as their reason for cheating. They are not satisfied at home. But we have to work on this. Everyone in a relationship has to make the conscious effort to get the flame burning. We are not always in the mood or just all ready to jump in feet first but we can work at getting in the mood. Heat the oven so to speak. There’s work, family obligations, house work, a hundred things to be done and seen to. But what about our own needs.
Please let me make it clear it is not the woman’s duty to get in the mood. You want your woman wanting you, work hard at getting her there. She is worth it after all isn’t she? All women want to know that their partner finds them beautiful and sexy even if they deny it but come on guys you actually have to mean it when you say it. No woman likes to be patronized, it’s the worst thing you can do to her.
Foreplay is essential. A sexy text, flowers, phonecalls. A letter saying I’m thinking of you and still think you amazing goes a long long way to getting her to want you. Sometimes the woman in your life might need a week of wooing, why not do it for her if its what she requires to make her feels special.
Many cultures believe that the key to your satisfaction (for men) is to first satisfy the woman in your life. If she is happy you will be happy because she will do what she can for you.
If you follow these cardinal rules I think you might just be very surprised at what might happen for you.
It is easier to fall in love than to stay in love over a long period of time, nothing in life worth having is easily come buy but it does not mean that you have to break you back every second of the day to be happy. If you’re doing that then something is very wrong!
Just thought that today would be nice to maybe take a breather and just talk about some more lightheartedness that is also guaranteed to get the blood pumping.
When I look around today things are probably not so different from when my grandparents where young. Most people become very serious at a young age sometimes dating the same person for years and then getting married (the only difference is that now people live together most often first). Same as when my grandparents and parents were young. There is a smaller majority that date often and over a variety of people before finally settling down. There are also those that both either before marriage or after find that after being with one person for years they might not love them as they once did so often instead of just ending a relationship (it’s easier said than done after all) they “play the field”. This is sad of course as often this causes more pain than just ending the relationship would have. What we seem to forget is that we fall in and out of love everyday. Some times it with the same person over and over if we lucky and now and then its with different people. Love is not the easiest thing to feel or be in but neither is it as complicated as we make it. As human beings we tend to over complicate everything to the point where we cannot see where something begins or ends.
It takes hard work to keep falling in love with the same person everyday for years but its not impossible.
A relationship is not based on the length of time you have been together it is based on the foundation that you have built. Some relationships are built on religious faith, others on common interest or family values. And in all these relationships there are always reasons to stay and to leave. I once heard that you can have at least a million reason to leave someone but if there is just one reason to stay; love, then stay. I also used to believe this but I stopped believing as most of us do (even if it is only for a short period) when our heats are “broken”. We also because of this loss of, lets call it “faith”, hold on to pain and cause ourself suffering that we could just as easily (once again easier said than done) avoid. But if you look at some of the reason why people all in love (some of which are the same reason others don’t) we fill find something interesting in it. Because love is not enough but there is always more to “LOVE” than meets the eye at first.
From some reading that I have done recently, a vast majority of people fall for someone who supports them during an emotional crisis, become attracted to someone they have coming into contact with on a regular basis in a social setting and of course the new trend of meeting on a social network.
Strangely its been found that relationships that form on the basis of emotional need have a tenancy not to work for long periods of time neither do relationships based on meeting out on a good time work out. Yet it seems that there are quite a few relationships that seem stronger with people who have met on a social networks, not withstanding those who are there cheating on their partner of course.
Of course there are various types of relationship and they start for vast reasons some complicated some not so complicated at all.
So let begin with loosing belief in love. As i said most people loose faith in love and the act of falling in love and staying in love when they have been hurt by a partner cheating or leaving them but this is not the only reason. Some people have to watch their parents relationship deteriorate and fall apart. They grow up seeing that love hurts more often than not and they just don’t see the point in putting themselves through this. Still others look for love for this reason because they don’t want to be like their parents at all.
What we forget or maybe I should say is that often we don’t see the finer assets or what love is actually made up of.
So lets break it down (from my point of view that is):
Love is Trust:
when you don’t trust your partner you will constantly question their actions and their words. And I don’t just mean if they say they are working late, but just about every thing they say. That they think you’re beautiful, that they like your cooking; just about anything. No, trust begins to spread from wondering were they are, are they were they say they are. To not trusting what they say about you to you. You begin to look for lies in the smallest aspect of your relationship. This of course leads to your being an emotional wreck constantly questioning you partner, checking up on them and being very clingy. Which is very bad for your relationship because all these thoughts are negative, which leads to negative re-enforcement i.e actions. The result-> Arguments and a break down of the relationship.
Love is Faith:
faith is not just believing in your partner and your relationship but being faithful as well. If you find yourself wanting to cheat or considering cheating with someone then you have a problem. Don’t get me wrong we are human beings after all, we see others of the opposite sex (or whatever your taste may be) and think they are good looking or attractive (like thinking of an actor/tess/TV personality) but the minute you find yourself wanting to find a way to be with that person even just physically…you have a problem.
Love is Security:
if you do not feel secure in your relationship faithfulness and trust come into question. It boils down to feeling secure that even when your partner looks at someone else there is no doubt that you are still the one and only person they want to be with because this is just how they make your feel. But it also comes does to the security and confidence you feel about yourself and what you know you have given in the relationship and how your partner receives what you give, provide and do for them. When you feel appreciated as a person and for your actions you feel secure in your relationship. Needless to say if you are not getting this or feeling it, you have a problem.
Love is Respect:
you have to respect yourself, and your partner. This means that you will not degrade them, ie; talk down to them, bad mouth them, make them feel inferior to you in anyway, by way of calling them names, placing tags on them, such as : easy, slut or cheat. Someone who has respect for themselves will never allow these types of words to be used by themselves or others in reference to their partner and if you respect your partner you will never use these ways to hurt them weather true or not. Let us not forget respect breeds respect, if you give someone respect you will receive it in return and vice versa. How can you for one minute expect someone to treat you in a way that you are not treating them. And speaking with consideration and well to your partner in private and especially in public. Airing your dirty laundry to the whole world is the epitome of disrespect.
Love is Truth/Honesty
if you cannot find the time or inclination to be honest and truthful about your actions and feeling with your significant other why would you be in a relationship with them in the first place.
lets face facts, any relationship your have even if not with a lover is based on truth and honestly, our friends would not be or stay our friends if we lied to them constantly. And without truth there cannot be honesty.
If we look at all the above, if even one is lacking in a relationship everything can and will begin to crumble and once that first crack appears if you do not attend to it immediately; a relationship is like a house after all, bad things begin to happen. More cracks appear until you need to condemn the house. Relationships are exactly the same. If you don’t attend to the cracks as they appear you will find your walls falling down around your ears. I know I sound like a broken record the number of times I have said this but even more today I feel it is true.
When you are happy in your relationship. If your sit down and take the time to actually sort through the problems you have everything else, no matter how bad things are seem, seem smaller when you are with that someone that brings joy to your life. For me the reason is because the significant other in your life works with you to lighten your burden. If someone is not doing that, should you be in that relationship. No relationship should take all your energy draining you. If it does not make you feel alive no matter what issues there are…can you truly be happy.
Don’t get me wrong always work on your problems first but if any of the above is lacking in anyway you will always have problems in the long run.
Of course! I don’t care what anyone says…if the sex ain’t good it also is not going to work. It’s not the be all and end all of a relationship but you are human and you also need to work on keeping the passion and heat a live. Romance… YES please but still physical attraction is important. Strangely enough even if everything else is good but the sex isn’t your will find that the relationship begins to suffer.
It is a myth that women don’t like sex. Women like sex just as much as the next man; we can just go without it longer than a man can. It is not at the epicenter of our being. Yet most men who cheat will say it’s because they aren’t getting any at home. This is of course no reason or excuse to cheat but there are also a number of women who also give this as their reason for cheating. They are not satisfied at home. But we have to work on this. Everyone in a relationship has to make the conscious effort to get the flame burning. We are not always in the mood or just all ready to jump in feet first but we can work at getting in the mood. Heat the oven so to speak. There’s work, family obligations, house work, a hundred things to be done and seen to. But what about our own needs.
Please let me make it clear it is not the woman’s duty to get in the mood. You want your woman wanting you, work hard at getting her there. She is worth it after all isn’t she? All women want to know that their partner finds them beautiful and sexy even if they deny it but come on guys you actually have to mean it when you say it. No woman likes to be patronized, it’s the worst thing you can do to her.
Foreplay is essential. A sexy text, flowers, phonecalls. A letter saying I’m thinking of you and still think you amazing goes a long long way to getting her to want you. Sometimes the woman in your life might need a week of wooing, why not do it for her if its what she requires to make her feels special.
Many cultures believe that the key to your satisfaction (for men) is to first satisfy the woman in your life. If she is happy you will be happy because she will do what she can for you.
If you follow these cardinal rules I think you might just be very surprised at what might happen for you.
It is easier to fall in love than to stay in love over a long period of time, nothing in life worth having is easily come buy but it does not mean that you have to break you back every second of the day to be happy. If you’re doing that then something is very wrong!
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