I am sadly aware that I have not had anything up in
a while and although it pains me, there is no help for it. My next piece is
taking longer that anticipated to complete.
But I am always thinking, my mind is a very complicated place full of twisting pathways and there’s always something waiting around some dark corner or behind some hidden doorway somewhere just waiting to see the light when I least expect it.
I’ve been thinking about music and experiences, why artists write what they do; be it poetry, lyrics, paintings and drawings or the prose in a book. Why do people say the things they do, or produce certain actions. Most things that the human race or individuals do is baffling, to me at least, and often defies the logic most people posses.
As far as I am concerned everything we do or say is a choice, possibly a feeling as well. There is no such thing as “an accident” or “I didn’t think”. I am sure if most of us thought about something we’ve done or said at anytime, and considered the seconds before that we might actually realize that, in that split second, no matter how short, there was a thought process. It makes no difference that we might not realise that we were thinking about it, but we as a species are designed to think, whether on a conscious or sub-conscious level, we think. At some point we all make a decision to do or say something. Whether or not we realise the consequences of our actions? well that is something else entirely.
Recently my cousin filed for divorce from her husband of 25+ years. They have 3 beautiful daughters together and before this no one, not even she thought that she would ever loose him to another woman. During the court proceedings one of his reasons for paying lower alimony was that his business was not doing well so he was not financially capable. The judge’s words : “Well you should have thought about that before you made the choice you did and did this.” (male judge, wonderful man that!)
My point? This, when someone cheats, makes no difference, married or in a serious relationship (serious as defined by, that you will not see, sleep with, spend time with, romantically or sexually touch any one else but each other or confide things to anyone else you should only be telling your partner) at some point you make the decision to first flirt, accept and respond to advances from that other person. You do so because it feels good, you enjoy it or maybe you just aren’t really the faithful type. But in the end what it comes down to a choice of “I will or want to do this”.
It’s the same principal for staying in a relationship, we choose to work through problems (hopefully addressing them instead of pretending they don’t exist), make the choice to fall in love with one person everyday. Choose to see their faults (no one’s perfect after all) for what they are but accept them anyway, some of those things make them the person who they are.
And lets face it, if someone loves you enough, those traits that hurt you or would cause you unhappiness (I don’t mean irritating characteristics like chewing with an open mouth), they would change because they love you and on others compromise (there are some things we should never compromise, like ethics). But in the end it still comes down to a choice. It is also a choice to focus on the positive things in our relationships and not the negative because which ever one we choose to focus on the most is what we will see the most and in the end might determine the end or endurance of the relationship.
We all know what good and bad relationships look like. The trick is realising which is which. My rule of thumb is when someone makes you more unhappy than happy, when you feel more like your every action is being watched and judged and second guest then it’s probably not a relationship to be in.
For someone of my nature, that is someone who doesn’t trust easily (you have to work pretty damn had for me to trust and one wrong move will utterly destroy that), who, if you lie to me once will always suspect you of something, I am unfortunately extremely suspicious (hey don’t misread that in that I’ll always be looking for reasons to not trust you, it’s the opposite, that if you give a reason I’ll be looking for the proof that there is a lie) and when I love I give myself completely and I need to know that the person I am giving my heart to appreciates and cherishes it. Truth is this is true for a large number of women, especially those who have been badly disappointed by someone they loved.
So back to my point, someone of my nature, or someone who has just reached a point in life where they have learned many lessons about who they are and what they need (note, the word need not want. need is more important than want) makes the choice that they need someone who when they make a promise will keep it, and if that promise is broken that you know that have not only bent over backward but broken every bone in their body (figurative of course) to keep that promise but to many promises broken to often…
You make the choice in realizing that you have a lot of love to give and because you will do anything to keep your partner happy you deserve nothing less. Yes it is true we do not all love in the same way, but you need to be open to your partners nature so that you CAN see how they are loving you.
What I mean is that, you might be the I love getting flowers type, but instead of receiving roses from him, just maybe that garden he planted was so that you could have flowers everyday when you look out your window. You complain that you’re exhausted but instead of the back or foot rub or pampering you want maybe he just says, come sit and watch TV with me. People we love often show us everyday that they love us but because we view showing love from our point of view or how we would do it we miss the little things.
I am not saying of course that if your partner does not notice most of the things you do they’re trying to give you a break. Or not to make an effort in giving the romance you need. What I am saying is that sometimes we need to understand our partners better.
Choose to put your partner first, always choose them. No one should be more important than the person you choose to be with, you want them to see you that way so show them that that is how you see them. Don’t stand them down for anyone, this is who you chose. If they are wrong then confront them in private. Yet they must earn your support, someone who continuously shows you disrespect privately and especially publicly does not warrant your devotion. Personally I don’t care figging fig how messed up their life as been, they can make the choice to treat you well especially if your treat them in such a manner. If they cannot then do they deserve you?
The only people that should come before you is if you have children together or their children, with in reason.
We cannot control what others do, we can only control what we do and the choices we make. That is a given. I say make the choice of knowing your worth, and tell your chosen partner that this is your worth, show them. Choose to sit your partner down and say, this is what I want in a relationship. And I mean this in a reasonable way, you cannot sit someone down and say, I expect you to bring home a 6 figure salary, I want a new car ever other year and I don’t like your mother so I don’t want her around.
I mean things like, honesty, integrity, openness in your relationship so that there is no cause for suspicion or to wonder when some tells a story about your partner etc.
I believe that is it necessary for partners to have access to each others social media, e-mails and cellphones. How secure would your partner feel when you’ll be asking, “baby a message just came through check it more me,” or “see this e-mail I got today”. It doesn’t mean that your partner should check to see if you are cheating but it shows that even if they do randomly pick up your cell for whatever reason you know as well as they that there is nothing to worry about because you have nothing to hide. And if someone says you are cheating with so-and-so you partner has no doubt who to believe, not because you know how to use a delete function and have used it but because you make the choice to be trustworthy.
My rule of choice is, I don’t do anything I know if my partner was doing it, it would hurt or upset me in anyway. For me that’s how I know I should probably NOT be doing something.
So make a choice, choose to take that extra split second before you do or say anything to think. Making that choice to think makes the difference in who you want to be as a person and a partner.
But I am always thinking, my mind is a very complicated place full of twisting pathways and there’s always something waiting around some dark corner or behind some hidden doorway somewhere just waiting to see the light when I least expect it.
I’ve been thinking about music and experiences, why artists write what they do; be it poetry, lyrics, paintings and drawings or the prose in a book. Why do people say the things they do, or produce certain actions. Most things that the human race or individuals do is baffling, to me at least, and often defies the logic most people posses.
As far as I am concerned everything we do or say is a choice, possibly a feeling as well. There is no such thing as “an accident” or “I didn’t think”. I am sure if most of us thought about something we’ve done or said at anytime, and considered the seconds before that we might actually realize that, in that split second, no matter how short, there was a thought process. It makes no difference that we might not realise that we were thinking about it, but we as a species are designed to think, whether on a conscious or sub-conscious level, we think. At some point we all make a decision to do or say something. Whether or not we realise the consequences of our actions? well that is something else entirely.
Recently my cousin filed for divorce from her husband of 25+ years. They have 3 beautiful daughters together and before this no one, not even she thought that she would ever loose him to another woman. During the court proceedings one of his reasons for paying lower alimony was that his business was not doing well so he was not financially capable. The judge’s words : “Well you should have thought about that before you made the choice you did and did this.” (male judge, wonderful man that!)
My point? This, when someone cheats, makes no difference, married or in a serious relationship (serious as defined by, that you will not see, sleep with, spend time with, romantically or sexually touch any one else but each other or confide things to anyone else you should only be telling your partner) at some point you make the decision to first flirt, accept and respond to advances from that other person. You do so because it feels good, you enjoy it or maybe you just aren’t really the faithful type. But in the end what it comes down to a choice of “I will or want to do this”.
It’s the same principal for staying in a relationship, we choose to work through problems (hopefully addressing them instead of pretending they don’t exist), make the choice to fall in love with one person everyday. Choose to see their faults (no one’s perfect after all) for what they are but accept them anyway, some of those things make them the person who they are.
And lets face it, if someone loves you enough, those traits that hurt you or would cause you unhappiness (I don’t mean irritating characteristics like chewing with an open mouth), they would change because they love you and on others compromise (there are some things we should never compromise, like ethics). But in the end it still comes down to a choice. It is also a choice to focus on the positive things in our relationships and not the negative because which ever one we choose to focus on the most is what we will see the most and in the end might determine the end or endurance of the relationship.
We all know what good and bad relationships look like. The trick is realising which is which. My rule of thumb is when someone makes you more unhappy than happy, when you feel more like your every action is being watched and judged and second guest then it’s probably not a relationship to be in.
For someone of my nature, that is someone who doesn’t trust easily (you have to work pretty damn had for me to trust and one wrong move will utterly destroy that), who, if you lie to me once will always suspect you of something, I am unfortunately extremely suspicious (hey don’t misread that in that I’ll always be looking for reasons to not trust you, it’s the opposite, that if you give a reason I’ll be looking for the proof that there is a lie) and when I love I give myself completely and I need to know that the person I am giving my heart to appreciates and cherishes it. Truth is this is true for a large number of women, especially those who have been badly disappointed by someone they loved.
So back to my point, someone of my nature, or someone who has just reached a point in life where they have learned many lessons about who they are and what they need (note, the word need not want. need is more important than want) makes the choice that they need someone who when they make a promise will keep it, and if that promise is broken that you know that have not only bent over backward but broken every bone in their body (figurative of course) to keep that promise but to many promises broken to often…
You make the choice in realizing that you have a lot of love to give and because you will do anything to keep your partner happy you deserve nothing less. Yes it is true we do not all love in the same way, but you need to be open to your partners nature so that you CAN see how they are loving you.
What I mean is that, you might be the I love getting flowers type, but instead of receiving roses from him, just maybe that garden he planted was so that you could have flowers everyday when you look out your window. You complain that you’re exhausted but instead of the back or foot rub or pampering you want maybe he just says, come sit and watch TV with me. People we love often show us everyday that they love us but because we view showing love from our point of view or how we would do it we miss the little things.
I am not saying of course that if your partner does not notice most of the things you do they’re trying to give you a break. Or not to make an effort in giving the romance you need. What I am saying is that sometimes we need to understand our partners better.
Choose to put your partner first, always choose them. No one should be more important than the person you choose to be with, you want them to see you that way so show them that that is how you see them. Don’t stand them down for anyone, this is who you chose. If they are wrong then confront them in private. Yet they must earn your support, someone who continuously shows you disrespect privately and especially publicly does not warrant your devotion. Personally I don’t care figging fig how messed up their life as been, they can make the choice to treat you well especially if your treat them in such a manner. If they cannot then do they deserve you?
The only people that should come before you is if you have children together or their children, with in reason.
We cannot control what others do, we can only control what we do and the choices we make. That is a given. I say make the choice of knowing your worth, and tell your chosen partner that this is your worth, show them. Choose to sit your partner down and say, this is what I want in a relationship. And I mean this in a reasonable way, you cannot sit someone down and say, I expect you to bring home a 6 figure salary, I want a new car ever other year and I don’t like your mother so I don’t want her around.
I mean things like, honesty, integrity, openness in your relationship so that there is no cause for suspicion or to wonder when some tells a story about your partner etc.
I believe that is it necessary for partners to have access to each others social media, e-mails and cellphones. How secure would your partner feel when you’ll be asking, “baby a message just came through check it more me,” or “see this e-mail I got today”. It doesn’t mean that your partner should check to see if you are cheating but it shows that even if they do randomly pick up your cell for whatever reason you know as well as they that there is nothing to worry about because you have nothing to hide. And if someone says you are cheating with so-and-so you partner has no doubt who to believe, not because you know how to use a delete function and have used it but because you make the choice to be trustworthy.
My rule of choice is, I don’t do anything I know if my partner was doing it, it would hurt or upset me in anyway. For me that’s how I know I should probably NOT be doing something.
So make a choice, choose to take that extra split second before you do or say anything to think. Making that choice to think makes the difference in who you want to be as a person and a partner.
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