“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such
shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”-
Midsummer night’s dream, Shakespear.
I don’t think there are many that would recognise this quote straight off the bat. The basic meaning behind this quote is that people in love and people who are mad have the ability to create what isn’t really there. They see things around them and in others that are not necessarily true. And this is very true, the funny thing is that even when we simply have a crush on someone we fool ourselves into seeing traits magnified in them that don’t really exist or that is so minute the rest of their personality usually overshadows it. It’s been found that the brain functions of a person in love and a lunatic are in essence the same. Meaning that the frequency of the brain waives seen in people who have totally lost all their marbles are exactly the same as those who are in love. Co-incidence? I think not. Most people will do things they would ordinarily never do when they are in love with someone. Think about the extremes people sometimes go to when they are jealous or they feel their lover has done them wrong, yet they have expressed disgust in others who have done those things, such as taking a baseball bat to someone’s car, when they are not in love.
The reason why “Midsummer night’s dream” is one of my favourite Shakespearian plays is because it is about the madness of love. We do not see our actions in the same light as those viewing it from the outside and if we did we would be completely embarrassed by what we do but at the time it seems perfectly rational. Don’t get me wrong it is a beautiful story but because we see it is such we forget that Shakespeare was also showing us how ridiculous we are when in love.
If you’ve been following my blog over some time period you’ll see that some time ago I experienced, well let’s call it a disappointing disappointment. It hit me hard and I took some actions that bordered on the very edge of insanity (big grin), ok not really but I did come close to a lot of things and I did do some things that I ordinarily would not have done. It took me two very short years to “get over it”, I say short because it seems that way at times and at others like an eternity, but move past it I did eventually. I went from wanting to rip my ex’s heart out to wanting to rip out the heart and gut of the woman he was seeing, and I do not mean this in the figurative sense, but I found my sanity in someone very close to me. Something must be said for “co-interdependent therapy” (please this does not really exist but it is my word for what happened with us). I met someone who was in a position similar to mine but on the opposite side of the tight rope. What this means is that he was in the position of my ex and I in the position of his ex, it became so that we were able to sort of balance out one another’s anger and resentment because we helped one another to shed light on our ex’s actions and facilitate the process of acceptance and some times forgiveness. Besides shedding light it was nice to have someone to bitch to and on occasion have them tell you your ex was an ass because they had done the same thing and their actions stemmed from complete selfishness. It was and is also refreshing to have a male say that the majority of the time most guys are assholes, most of the time (another big grin).
He allowed me to bitch with out recrimination, and was with me all the way if I wanted to take revenge but being the person he is we didn’t only talk about the sadness and the pain. He allowed me to discover a part of myself I had hidden and that I had not allowed into the light in over ten years. This was my darker side. Funny enough, I wasn’t being who I truly was; I had stopped doing the things that was at the very core of my being. I am in truth not all sunshine and roses, actually I am more deadly nightshade and shadows. The other side is there to but I was not in balance and when I became a little vengeful he whole heartedly supported that side of my nature and allowed me to be the puppet master pulling his strings and doing exactly what I wanted without question. He willing bowed to my will and allowed me to get it out of my system but what was even better was that he enjoyed doing it for me. He went beyond the call of duty as my friend he listened to my exploits about who I dated who I was interested in and whose advances I was entertaining as “a potential” and whose I was entertaining because it was simply fun. He did not ever reprimand me for being cruel or inconsiderate just simply accepted my actions as they were and the path of my thoughts. He liked that I never chased and simply stood and waited all the while secretly and quietly waiting for me himself. He never mentioned that he had intentions and interested, he simply maintained the friendship that I needed and wanted, never putting what he wanted first. It’s something I appreciate, looking back a great deal more because he thought less of himself and more of the position I was in. What I needed was of more value to him than what he wanted. There were hints; I know he has been surprised that I did notice the small signs the hidden meanings in the late night phone calls and texts.
Yet as I said that his sweetness was, is, an added benefit and he is shockingly enough a closet romantic but more than that, he is not you average nice guy. Your have to earn his “niceness”, if its not earned he doesn’t show that side to his nature. Mostly it is the fact that, he has caught glimpses of the darkness that lurks in my personality, he sees my attraction to things that most people would shy away from and he finds the things I do in this state funny but more than that he is attracted to that part of me as well not just the goodness in me.
The fact that I am demanding and know what I want and ask for it on a regular basis is something that he seems to want and that in itself is a novelty, a man wanting me to be confident and encouraging me to want what I want when I want it is something definitely up there with watching an explosion going off in my book. When a man encourages my confidence and tenacity it shows me that he is confident in himself and his capabilities as a man. He does not feel undermined or less just because I am independent. My independence does not detract from his ability or desire to want to give me things. Here I am not referring to material things, but lets face it if a man does not feel or cannot give you what he thinks he should it does get him down, he is after all wired to be a provider and protector; for me the emotional is more important to me, but I said a man wants to be able to give and he does give in everyway. I am by nature not the type of person who allows people easily into my life and then even less all the way into my mind but once I do I am very giving. In that no matter what you do I will defend your actions to others even though in private I might give you hell. I will aim to please but only for as long as you aim to please me. Since I have known him he has never let me down not once not even on the smallest detail, we have suffered three set backs in a period of two weeks about a month and half ago but under certain circumstances I accept that sometimes we do not think as clearly as what we would usually. So at times forgiveness is essential, especially if someone understand the effect of their actions and is able to truly avoid making the same mistake but in the same breath it is another matter being able to let go and not constantly remind them of that mistake. I have had to learn that to agree to let something go is not just that you can or cannot do it, you have to face the problem with your partner and then trust in the fact that they understand the effect their actions has had on you and how you may view the relationship. It is of course easier said then done and no mean feet but unless you want to put undue strain on your relationship and push your partner away it something you have to constantly remind yourself not to do. Of course it is up to your partner to then prove to you the event will not be repeated. It has also been a lesson for me that your partner will do what he needs to prove this and not begrudge you your scepticism.
So basically I have learned to apologise and let the offence pass until I am given reason to mistrust completely and I have learned to accept an apology and not accuse when I wonder about actions my partner might make. But as I said it is easier said then done and I work on my suspicious nature everyday.
And talking about suspicion, being in a long distance anything including a relationship does not fit well with my nature usually I would have smelled a rat at every turn and strangely enough I don’t feel that way. I feel completely confidant. Yes I am always testing and a teensy bit sceptical (sorry) but it usually passes. Trying to build a relationship on total and complete honesty is not the easiest thing, especially when you are fully aware that there are a number of things the other person would not want to hear and will be spitting mad. You often feel that it might just be easier to not say anything or just skirt the truth but then you remember the damn promise you made to be open and honest. I know what you’re thinking; that if you didn’t say anything how would the other person know but the point is not about them knowing it’s about you trying to better yourself as a person. And if you are lucky enough to find someone who, although they get angry, can say “Okay I’m pissed of right now but I am listening” and then you can talk like adults. Talk with absolute respect, empathise, no recriminations and no guilt then why not be honest. Rather have someone be angry or upset deal with it and get it out of the way before you keep quiet about something and when it eventually does blossom into the open as every weed does and then you’re in a situation where you have to explain why you lied in the first place. Yes, people, withholding information on purpose is exactly the same as lying. And let’s face it I have learned that when you have the urge to lie or cover something up it means that your sub-conscious is fully aware, or you feel that what you have done is wrong. It is guilt that causes us to lie and lies are like weeds. They sprout in darkness, hiding between beautiful plants and if unchecked they wreak havoc. We hide and lie to make something appear, to ourself and others, to be good and then the situation becomes so bad that there is nothing you can do to save or even salvage it, this is what he has taught me.
The only reason that I have learned this is because he has been open about his past, no matter how uncomfortable and scared he was that it might cause me to run screaming for the hills, he allowed himself to give me the benefit of the doubt. Of course the catch is he did this as my friend, he truly was prepared to give me only what I wanted and in that spirit opened himself up to having someone to simply talk to. And by being prepared to share the worse moments not only of his life about the truth about himself with out glossing things over showed friendship because anyone who is going to insist on more is never going to let you see or tell you the full truth about themselves. In so opening his inner most self to me and speaking of his mistakes and fears he allowed me to open that box in myself to set the fear and doubts I had free.
He allowed me to share my tears there-by allowing me to share my laughter and hopes. He does not expect me to be sweet and nice and good. He like that I am a closet case of “FREAK” that you never know when it will come rolling it and he is only happy to allow me to explore and remember that part of my nature. He stimulates me intellectually feeding my hunger for knowing and discussion with his own. He nurtures my emotional side with romantic gestures that I think even surprises him at times and he grows my trust by finding every way he can to include not only me but my son in his life regardless or maybe because of the distance. Even now he is my friend first, listening to me just when I need to talk and giving advice when I need it. I can be exactly who I am with no need to hide any part of my personality. So because of this I feel understood and the fact that he understands that to me the little things are more important than the big gestures makes me feel appreciated. He does not try and dictate my actions or make demands on me, he trusts my judgement, gives me trust and values my opinion which makes me feel free while at the same time feeling as if I belong.
He brings out the best in me and loves me at my worst accepting that it is who makes me and wants me not regardless but because of all this because he sees me more clearly than anyone else. Even his jealousy is sweet.
“Are your sure/that we are awake? This seems to me/that yet we sleep, we dream”
I don’t think there are many that would recognise this quote straight off the bat. The basic meaning behind this quote is that people in love and people who are mad have the ability to create what isn’t really there. They see things around them and in others that are not necessarily true. And this is very true, the funny thing is that even when we simply have a crush on someone we fool ourselves into seeing traits magnified in them that don’t really exist or that is so minute the rest of their personality usually overshadows it. It’s been found that the brain functions of a person in love and a lunatic are in essence the same. Meaning that the frequency of the brain waives seen in people who have totally lost all their marbles are exactly the same as those who are in love. Co-incidence? I think not. Most people will do things they would ordinarily never do when they are in love with someone. Think about the extremes people sometimes go to when they are jealous or they feel their lover has done them wrong, yet they have expressed disgust in others who have done those things, such as taking a baseball bat to someone’s car, when they are not in love.
The reason why “Midsummer night’s dream” is one of my favourite Shakespearian plays is because it is about the madness of love. We do not see our actions in the same light as those viewing it from the outside and if we did we would be completely embarrassed by what we do but at the time it seems perfectly rational. Don’t get me wrong it is a beautiful story but because we see it is such we forget that Shakespeare was also showing us how ridiculous we are when in love.
If you’ve been following my blog over some time period you’ll see that some time ago I experienced, well let’s call it a disappointing disappointment. It hit me hard and I took some actions that bordered on the very edge of insanity (big grin), ok not really but I did come close to a lot of things and I did do some things that I ordinarily would not have done. It took me two very short years to “get over it”, I say short because it seems that way at times and at others like an eternity, but move past it I did eventually. I went from wanting to rip my ex’s heart out to wanting to rip out the heart and gut of the woman he was seeing, and I do not mean this in the figurative sense, but I found my sanity in someone very close to me. Something must be said for “co-interdependent therapy” (please this does not really exist but it is my word for what happened with us). I met someone who was in a position similar to mine but on the opposite side of the tight rope. What this means is that he was in the position of my ex and I in the position of his ex, it became so that we were able to sort of balance out one another’s anger and resentment because we helped one another to shed light on our ex’s actions and facilitate the process of acceptance and some times forgiveness. Besides shedding light it was nice to have someone to bitch to and on occasion have them tell you your ex was an ass because they had done the same thing and their actions stemmed from complete selfishness. It was and is also refreshing to have a male say that the majority of the time most guys are assholes, most of the time (another big grin).
He allowed me to bitch with out recrimination, and was with me all the way if I wanted to take revenge but being the person he is we didn’t only talk about the sadness and the pain. He allowed me to discover a part of myself I had hidden and that I had not allowed into the light in over ten years. This was my darker side. Funny enough, I wasn’t being who I truly was; I had stopped doing the things that was at the very core of my being. I am in truth not all sunshine and roses, actually I am more deadly nightshade and shadows. The other side is there to but I was not in balance and when I became a little vengeful he whole heartedly supported that side of my nature and allowed me to be the puppet master pulling his strings and doing exactly what I wanted without question. He willing bowed to my will and allowed me to get it out of my system but what was even better was that he enjoyed doing it for me. He went beyond the call of duty as my friend he listened to my exploits about who I dated who I was interested in and whose advances I was entertaining as “a potential” and whose I was entertaining because it was simply fun. He did not ever reprimand me for being cruel or inconsiderate just simply accepted my actions as they were and the path of my thoughts. He liked that I never chased and simply stood and waited all the while secretly and quietly waiting for me himself. He never mentioned that he had intentions and interested, he simply maintained the friendship that I needed and wanted, never putting what he wanted first. It’s something I appreciate, looking back a great deal more because he thought less of himself and more of the position I was in. What I needed was of more value to him than what he wanted. There were hints; I know he has been surprised that I did notice the small signs the hidden meanings in the late night phone calls and texts.
Yet as I said that his sweetness was, is, an added benefit and he is shockingly enough a closet romantic but more than that, he is not you average nice guy. Your have to earn his “niceness”, if its not earned he doesn’t show that side to his nature. Mostly it is the fact that, he has caught glimpses of the darkness that lurks in my personality, he sees my attraction to things that most people would shy away from and he finds the things I do in this state funny but more than that he is attracted to that part of me as well not just the goodness in me.
The fact that I am demanding and know what I want and ask for it on a regular basis is something that he seems to want and that in itself is a novelty, a man wanting me to be confident and encouraging me to want what I want when I want it is something definitely up there with watching an explosion going off in my book. When a man encourages my confidence and tenacity it shows me that he is confident in himself and his capabilities as a man. He does not feel undermined or less just because I am independent. My independence does not detract from his ability or desire to want to give me things. Here I am not referring to material things, but lets face it if a man does not feel or cannot give you what he thinks he should it does get him down, he is after all wired to be a provider and protector; for me the emotional is more important to me, but I said a man wants to be able to give and he does give in everyway. I am by nature not the type of person who allows people easily into my life and then even less all the way into my mind but once I do I am very giving. In that no matter what you do I will defend your actions to others even though in private I might give you hell. I will aim to please but only for as long as you aim to please me. Since I have known him he has never let me down not once not even on the smallest detail, we have suffered three set backs in a period of two weeks about a month and half ago but under certain circumstances I accept that sometimes we do not think as clearly as what we would usually. So at times forgiveness is essential, especially if someone understand the effect of their actions and is able to truly avoid making the same mistake but in the same breath it is another matter being able to let go and not constantly remind them of that mistake. I have had to learn that to agree to let something go is not just that you can or cannot do it, you have to face the problem with your partner and then trust in the fact that they understand the effect their actions has had on you and how you may view the relationship. It is of course easier said then done and no mean feet but unless you want to put undue strain on your relationship and push your partner away it something you have to constantly remind yourself not to do. Of course it is up to your partner to then prove to you the event will not be repeated. It has also been a lesson for me that your partner will do what he needs to prove this and not begrudge you your scepticism.
So basically I have learned to apologise and let the offence pass until I am given reason to mistrust completely and I have learned to accept an apology and not accuse when I wonder about actions my partner might make. But as I said it is easier said then done and I work on my suspicious nature everyday.
And talking about suspicion, being in a long distance anything including a relationship does not fit well with my nature usually I would have smelled a rat at every turn and strangely enough I don’t feel that way. I feel completely confidant. Yes I am always testing and a teensy bit sceptical (sorry) but it usually passes. Trying to build a relationship on total and complete honesty is not the easiest thing, especially when you are fully aware that there are a number of things the other person would not want to hear and will be spitting mad. You often feel that it might just be easier to not say anything or just skirt the truth but then you remember the damn promise you made to be open and honest. I know what you’re thinking; that if you didn’t say anything how would the other person know but the point is not about them knowing it’s about you trying to better yourself as a person. And if you are lucky enough to find someone who, although they get angry, can say “Okay I’m pissed of right now but I am listening” and then you can talk like adults. Talk with absolute respect, empathise, no recriminations and no guilt then why not be honest. Rather have someone be angry or upset deal with it and get it out of the way before you keep quiet about something and when it eventually does blossom into the open as every weed does and then you’re in a situation where you have to explain why you lied in the first place. Yes, people, withholding information on purpose is exactly the same as lying. And let’s face it I have learned that when you have the urge to lie or cover something up it means that your sub-conscious is fully aware, or you feel that what you have done is wrong. It is guilt that causes us to lie and lies are like weeds. They sprout in darkness, hiding between beautiful plants and if unchecked they wreak havoc. We hide and lie to make something appear, to ourself and others, to be good and then the situation becomes so bad that there is nothing you can do to save or even salvage it, this is what he has taught me.
The only reason that I have learned this is because he has been open about his past, no matter how uncomfortable and scared he was that it might cause me to run screaming for the hills, he allowed himself to give me the benefit of the doubt. Of course the catch is he did this as my friend, he truly was prepared to give me only what I wanted and in that spirit opened himself up to having someone to simply talk to. And by being prepared to share the worse moments not only of his life about the truth about himself with out glossing things over showed friendship because anyone who is going to insist on more is never going to let you see or tell you the full truth about themselves. In so opening his inner most self to me and speaking of his mistakes and fears he allowed me to open that box in myself to set the fear and doubts I had free.
He allowed me to share my tears there-by allowing me to share my laughter and hopes. He does not expect me to be sweet and nice and good. He like that I am a closet case of “FREAK” that you never know when it will come rolling it and he is only happy to allow me to explore and remember that part of my nature. He stimulates me intellectually feeding my hunger for knowing and discussion with his own. He nurtures my emotional side with romantic gestures that I think even surprises him at times and he grows my trust by finding every way he can to include not only me but my son in his life regardless or maybe because of the distance. Even now he is my friend first, listening to me just when I need to talk and giving advice when I need it. I can be exactly who I am with no need to hide any part of my personality. So because of this I feel understood and the fact that he understands that to me the little things are more important than the big gestures makes me feel appreciated. He does not try and dictate my actions or make demands on me, he trusts my judgement, gives me trust and values my opinion which makes me feel free while at the same time feeling as if I belong.
He brings out the best in me and loves me at my worst accepting that it is who makes me and wants me not regardless but because of all this because he sees me more clearly than anyone else. Even his jealousy is sweet.
“Are your sure/that we are awake? This seems to me/that yet we sleep, we dream”
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